Dedicated to Mark Butler
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A first impression is a horrible thing.
It is almost always wrong, and can often cause one to miss out on some of the greatest experiences of their life.
Kind of like that new guy on the bus. He moved into your small town from Toronto halfway through the semester because his parents were helping him quit the numerous drugs he was on. For the first few days he's on the bus all he does is talk about how different small town life is than in the city. He seems like a typical inner city drugee: spaced out, weird, thinks too much about life, etc. He always wears the same thing: black jeans, a plaid jacket, and a toque...even in the middle of summer. He's seventeen and he doesn't even have is G1 license. Your first impression is not a good one.
During his ranting about the city, he tells stories about all these different undergournd metal bands he used to play guitar for. One of them got kinda big. They even did the circuit tour of Toronto. They were thinking about trying to sign for a record deal, but then the drummer--a girl--quit because she broke up with the lead singer. Through casual talking, you tell him you play the drums. He asks if you want to jam.
The panic alarms begin to sound in your head: 'This guy is weird and kind of a loser, I don't want him coming to my house.' you make something up: "Can't man; family thing tonight." he buys it.
A few das later, he asks again. Suddenly you have a test to study for. Another time it's your only night to relax that week.
It's amazing what kind of excuses one can come up with on the spot.
Eventually you run out of ideas and a date to jam is set. He will arrive at seven on Tuesday, and you have to introduce him to your parents. What will they think of you if this is supposed to be one of your friends?
Seven o' clock Tuesday rolls around and the guy shows up ten minutes late. You've warned your parents about his weirdness so that they don't think any less of you.
After a quick hello you head to the basement for what turns out to be an amazing jam. If this guy has any talent it's guitar. He picks and sweeps and strums so fast and so well that there is almost no need for you to do anything.
More jams follow, and it becomes a weekly thing. This guy isn't completely as bad as he seemed the first time you met him. Still, the first impression stays: he does still spend lunch at the smoker's pit with the, 'tough', dirty, and poor crowd. And he does still wear the same clothes all the time.
A year passes, and not much changes. However it does seem that he always has his, 'meaning of life' chats with you whenever you need it most. The other night you had a three hour phone conversation about God. The day before he talked about how much drugs had screwed him over in life. It changed your mind about the party.
Today he told you he planned on going shopping over the weekend because he's absolutely sick of wearing the same thing every day. He's also getting out of the, 'star program' and being reinserted into the academic learning system. On top of all that, he quit everything, including smoking and drinking, for good. Finally, after three years.
The Monday after said weekend this new kid gets on the bus. He's wearing a brand new purple and white ecko sweater with snazzy blue jeans and a bright white toque. It appears he just got his haircut. He laughs at your open mouth stare: "I told you I was changing man." He says as he sits in his usual seat--across from you, "I'm just sick of living this stupid, no-brainer crap life. I need to do something with myself."
More time goes by.
Today you had a semi-serious argument with your girlfriend at school. It ended on a bad note, and millions of angry thoughts are racing through your head as you sit quietly on the bus ride home.
One of the drugees who the Toronto kid used to hang out with is sitting with him now, and they appear to be having a heated discussion. The drugee's stop comes first, and when he gets off the Toronto kid comes and sits with you.
"What was that all about?" you ask
"He's mad because I quit his band."
"Why'd you quit?"
"I told you man, I'm changing: starting over, gettin' a clean slate and all that jazz. Everyone in that band leads the lifestyle I just left. I can't hang out with them anymore. It's just not who I am."
"Oh."
"Yeah, and we were also talking about our opinions of life."
You roll your eyes: of course that's what they were talking about: "He seems to think that the only way to be happy in life is if you depend on no one and are the strongest. Basically survival of the fittest."
Here we go again, a lecture about life. You look out the window to see how much further your stop is.
"I totally disagree though. I think that happiness in life is found through, well," he pauses for a second, trying to find words: "you love your girlfriend right? I mean you guys have been together for like 3 years or some shit like that right?" he's waiting for a reply.
"Yea...of course I love her." suddenly the angry thoughts in your head stop.
"Yea, I mean you'd take a bullet for cuz she's the reason you wake up every morning right?"
"Yea...yea she is." you're starting to realize that where to go for a date is kind of a stupid thing to argue about.
"And I mean nothing would make you more happy--literally nothing--than to wake up every morning lying next to her and look into her eyes and tell her you love her right?"
"Right." You have an apologetic phone call to make when you get home.
"And whenever she says the same thing to you, or when she gives you a kiss on the cheek or whatever man that means the world to you doesn't it? That amazing feeling of having someone you can love and hold just makes your day right?"
"Yea."
"And whenever you're with her you're happy right? Like even if you're having a bad day just seeing her lightens your mood right?"
"Definitely." What were you even mad at her for?
"Yea that's what I was trying to tell that guy man: happiness isn't about dominating and being the toughest and strongest around. Happiness is about finding that special someone who makes you feel like no one else can feel man. I honestly envy you two and I'm sure that like a whole bunch of other people in the school do to because you guys have somethin special, especially for high school man I've never seen a couple that's so happy in my life before."
"Thanks man."
"Yea no problem. you see what I'm sayin though, right?"
"Yea man I definitely see what you're gettin at."
"Ok cool. Anyway that's my rant for the day." He laughs, "Hey man you free to jam tonight? Since I don't have a band anymore we'll be able to jam more often."
"Yea man for sure, what time do you think you'll be over?"
A first impression is a horrible thing.
